(Note: this is a fictional conversation and doesn’t represent my personal journey. But it might seem familiar to you.)
It all started for me back in early February of 2020. That orange lunatic in the White House just wouldn’t shut up. Like at all. I was hoping the impeachment would stick and that there would be real repercussions, but the media BLATETNLY covered for him. How else can you explain the fact that he wasn’t run out of town on a rail?
Those were a crazy couple of years, weren’t they? Like, what the actual fuck was going on? It all seemed so bizarre. Nothing made sense. THREE damn years of absolute madness. It was terrifying, wasn’t it?
My relationships…well, let’s just say I wasn’t good at relationships. They came and went. Nothing really to write home about. I had a few that were promising, but like everything else, they just ended up in hurt and disappointment. It was just easier to not get too invested, you know? I mean I have my family, but you know how families are.
I had a decent job, all things considered, but I wouldn’t say I was in love with my career path. At some point it seemed like the thing I wanted to do, but after graduating college, somewhere along the lines it became empty. It happened little by little until one day I looked around and realized “holy shit, I can’t stand doing this.” It freaked me out, imagining I’d be doing that same thing for the rest of my life.
So I guess like with my relationships, I started to keep an eye out for other options. I would put out feelers, take an interview here and there, sometimes get my hopes up, but nothing better really ever came along.
Do you know what it’s like to be in that place where you know there’s more out there, but you’re just not able to connect the dots to get there? It’s like no-man’s land. Maddening. But you’re painted in to a corner, right, because you have college debt up to you eyeballs. You can’t just jump around, you know?
I never was very religious. Christmas and Easter at the most, but it was mostly performative. I just never got it or saw the point. I think we sometimes do things just because it’s what we always did. Call it habit or ritual. So I just stopped the whole charade sometime right after college.
Yeah, I DID spend a lot of time on social media. Probably too much, still to this day. Sometimes I find myself just scrolling and I don’t even realize what I’m looking at, or sometimes, even what app I’m in. Just scrolling and scrolling. Kind of like my relationship. Or career. Huh.
I had my hobbies and interests, for sure. But man, isn’t it hard to keep up? I felt like regardless of what I did, someone else was already doing it and doing it BETTER than me. It was frustrating, you know? Always feeling like you’re chasing the tide but never catching the wave. Grrrr.
And sure, I had my causes. I wouldn’t say I was political, but it was hard to stay on the sidelines with issues when there were so many important causes and ideas that needed to be pushed forward. It seemed like ever since the Bush years, EVERYTHING became a cause, right? It was almost too much, like society was fragmented in ways I’d never seen. It was thrilling but also exhausting.
Then Trump put a travel ban from China in place. Looking back that’s where it started for me because I was so angry. I mean, it seemed so xenophobic. What an arrogant prick.
But it got real serious. I was glued to CNN. I couldn’t wait for the Cuomo brothers to update us on what to do. They were like oracles for me, for all of us.
The one thing that dumbass Trump did right was put Fauci in charge. Once he started those White House Task Force briefings, I knew we had a savior. I knew I had a leader I could finally follow, someone who cut through the bullshit of those White House idiots.
All through the summer and fall of 2020, I was plugged in, man. The Floyd protests, the vaccine development, the different politicians, how terrible the red states were doing vs. the blue states. I mean Florida. What’s wrong with them? How can people be so callous and selfish to want some stupid individual “rights” that are so clearly harmful to the greater good?
I mean, masks WORK. Social distancing WORKS. The CDC clearly says they do, I’m pretty sure. And the lockdowns, they had to have saved lives, right? It only makes sense since the experts all agree. Seriously, just tune in for like 10 minutes and it should be clear. It still sickens me to this day to see people walking around unmasked, going to football games. It’s slimy, you know? I don’t know, I just know I feel better, more responsible, if I wear my mask.
What do I think about the double masking? Well, it just makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s extra protection. I mean, maybe not all the time, but in some situations, yeah, I do it, because it’s the right thing to do. My mask protects you, your mask protects me. Two masks doubles that up, clearly. It makes me feel extra good knowing that other people know that I double care about them, haha.
But what I was so excited for was the vaccine! What a time to be alive! I mean, I was suspicious, and even pretty against whatever Trump was going to roll out, but once he was out of office and sane people were in charge, I couldn’t wait to get my shot. It was like doing my civic duty, like when our grandparents joined the war effort in the 30s or 40s or whenever that was. I felt just as proud, like I was a soldier in the war on Covid.
Now when they announce the boosters, I get a tingle in my stomach. I anticipate it for days. I wouldn’t compare it to drugs, but I definitely get a rush. For fun, I’ve even started doing the mix and match thing - first shot Pfizer, second Moderna, just to liven things up a little bit more. When I got my third booster, yeah, it made me feel terrible, but that means it’s working, right? It’s all building up my shield, making me invincible, while doing my part to protect everyone else who’s doing the right thing. One shot protects me 100x. 2 shots 1000x. 3 shots a million times. That’s what I’ve been told.
My fourth and fifth shots were rough too, yeah, but of course they are. No one said they weren’t going to have any side effects, did they? The only time I heard “effect” was when they said “safe and effective”. I mean, if you say the word “vaccine”, the only thing I can think of next is “safe and effective.”
What do I think about the fact that the vaccinated are getting and spreading Covid? Well, are they really vaccinated? If they haven’t had their 5th shot, then no, they’re not vaccinated. They’re punks. Quitters. Apostates. And the unvaccinated? Uck, please don’t even get me started on those plague rats.
This would ALL be over IF THEY JUST DID WHAT THEY WERE TOLD. I mean, JUST DO THE RIGHT THING! I did it! Over and over and over, I did it! I did everything I was asked. I did more than I was asked! I can’t even talk to my family anymore because they quit at the 3rd booster. I don’t care if my brother had a stroke, OK? IT WASN’T VACCINE RELATED, how many times does CNN have to tell you that before you understand?
(She slips into a coughing fit. I wait until she’s done. She quickly pulls her mask down to get a breath and then fastens it hastily back into place.)
I’m sorry, I’m going to have to cut this off. It’s time for my bath. Thanks for stopping by, it was nice to talk to someone.
I watch from behind the plexiglass as she gets wheeled away by a staff member in the assisted living home and shake my head sadly. I’d known her well, 13 years ago in high school, and only heard recently about the condition she was in. It’s hard to believe this person in her early 30s was the same one I knew just a decade ago.
But then again, the last couple of years really have been hell, haven’t they?
😂😂😂😂💔💔💔funny and sad.